so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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