Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
