I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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