New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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