i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
