it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
