I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
