Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Someone shattered a urinal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
