The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
