And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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