My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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