My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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