How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
