just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
