i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
