told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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