You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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