i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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