you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
