she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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