You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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