So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
