found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
