My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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