wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
