Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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