If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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