my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
