I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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