I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
