Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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