Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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