a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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