You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
