Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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