When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
