My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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