If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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