So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
