At least make sure they are 18
Why
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She tied me up with her honor cords...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
