Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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