well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
