hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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