I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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