Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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