girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
