remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
