If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize