God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
