I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
