Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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