He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
