go do what you do best...puke behind churches
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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