as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
