I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
