have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
