so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
