His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
