Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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