Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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