the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
