there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
