We're facebook friends in real life
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
