ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
