the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
