We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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