just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
