hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize