I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
