my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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