Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
